You looked over to the right; Dan was in the same spot as always editing his videos as he does every Saturday night. You get up and walk into the kitchen, still watching every move Dan made. The concentration on his face was perfect, the movements he'd make with his hands whilst trying to focus on what he was doing, the way he'd have to click and drop files. You weren't entirely sure if Dan had actually noticed you or not, so what's the point at sitting at the kitchen table watching him like a crazed stalker? So you moved to the couch, taking small sips of your hot chocolate trying not to burn the roof of your mouth. You could feel your eyes getting heavier and heavier with each blink you took. The feeling of the cushions bowing inwards woke you.
It was Dan. Your head was aching so you just grunted.
"What's wrong?" Dan said in a concerned manor.
"My head, it's killing me. I feel like I've just been hit by a fucking double decker bus" You moaned.
Dan just looked at you and tilted his head; he put his hands on your hips and moved you closer to his chest. Your head crashed against his collar bone. You felt his chest caving inwards and blowing outwards with every soft breath he took, the warmth of his skin was amazing, he was just like a radiator. This was perfect. Dan's soft lips pressed against the top of your head whilst you pulled your knees up to your chin and curled into a ball. Your breathing was getting softer and softer, next thing Dan knew, you was fast asleep.
The next morning you woke in yours and Dan's bed with him curled up next to you shirtless. You rolled over and placed your head on his chest, the back of Dan's hand traced the back of your spine. It made you shiver but in an insanely good way. You can feel Dan smiling, this instantly made you smile. You both laid there in silence until you heard him whisper your name lightly. You lifted your head up and Dan pressed his lips on yours soft, like a feather.
"You know we've been dating a few months now? Do you love me?"
"Yeah, I know we've been dating a while" he joked, "but of course I love you, you're perfect and you're all I think about"
"I want you to show me"
Dan looked at you fairly confused; he clearly didn't understand what you meant. You decided to show him, you pushed your lips onto his kissing him passionately. He soon understood what you meant. He pulled back in hesitation.
"What's wrong?" You questioned.
"Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, you didn't want to before. Why the change of heart?"
He was right; you didn't want to do it before. You were unsure of the idea of making love to Dan but you realized you loved him and when you love someone, this is what you do. Dan was your first and you were so nervous.
"I'm sure. Trust me, I want to do this. Do you want to? If you don't then it's completely fine"
"Of course I want to do this, I was just checking, I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable" He assured.
He can clearly see the want in your eyes as you told him you want to make love to him. You both smiled at each other.
Dan pressed his lips against your cheek, leaving trails of kisses to your neck and back up to your mouth. You both kissed passionately, gently caressing each other's tongues. He started biting your lip, then he removed your t-shirt, you also removed his and undid his belt. He pulled you closer to him so your bodies were touching. You were both getting heated. He removed your trousers, put them on the floor and the next thing you know, your underwear joined the floor pile. Dan whispers in your ear.
"Are you still sure?"
You kissed him passionately; he kissed from your mouth, down your neck, down your breasts, down your stomach to the tops of your thighs. You moaned as he caressed you with his tongue. He kissed back up to your mouth. You're breathing heavy but you still want more. He pulls you by the hips so you're both closer to each other, and the next thing you know, he's inside you. You feel every thrust he makes into you, letting out heavy breaths and deep moans. You cup your hand on his cheek and pull his neck down, you kiss him gently. Sweating, moaning and heavy breaths fill the room. He starts picking up the pace, all you can do is lay there and take it, and you're savouring every minute, every thrust and every noise he makes. His cheeks are glowing red and his hair is sticking to his face. You're getting a building up sensation inside you, you're really not too sure what this is, it feels weird but oh my, it feels so good. You tell Dan to go faster and you throw your head back practically screaming at Dan's magic, your nails are digging into his back, sweat is rolling down both of your faces. Dan lets out a loud moan and he falls on top of you, you're both panting like dogs.
"That was perfect" You pant.
"I know" Dan replies, trying to catch his breath.
You both lay there for a few minutes in silence; Dan's playing with your hair, twisting it around his fingers. So many thoughts are going through your head. You think it seems silly but you feel like you've developed an even better connection with Dan, you hope he feels the same.
"Dan?" You whisper.
"Yeah?" He replies, looking at you with his big brown eyes.
"I love you"
"I love you too, don't forget it" he presses his lips gently on yours.
He gets up and gets dressed, he tells you that he's going to get a drink; did you want one? You say yes, you put on one of Dan's t-shirts and you follow him into the kitchen. For some reason, you feel a little bit awkward. You're both stood in the kitchen, Dan smiles at you, revealing his teeth and dimples. You melt inside. He comes up to you, wraps his long arms around your waist and kisses your nose.
"Dan Howell? I love you so fucking much"
"I love you too my beautiful girl"
You feel so lucky to have this gorgeous guy, girls must envy you.
The next morning you're awoken by a noisy van, you rub your eyes and look at the time. 8:30am. You roll over to look at Dan laid there facing you, his eyes are closed and he looks so peaceful. It was the day after you and him made love. You can feel his soft breathing on your shoulder, you lean forward and kiss his cheek, leaving trails of kisses up to his ear and whispering in his ear.
"Good morning sleepy head"
You pull away and notice his eyes fluttering and his nose twitching. This made you smile. You lay your head back down on your pillow waiting for Dan to wake up.
"Ughhhhhh" Dan grunted as his sleepy eyes opened.
You smiled instantly and kissed his nose. He stared at you and pulled you closer so your torsos were touching.
You both never said a word to each other; you gazed into one another's eyes and kissed.
Dan turns his head and shouts for them to come in. You're both naked and wrapped in the duvets and you're in Dan's arms.
"Morning you two" The knocker said.
It was Phil. Oh my.. I hope he didn't hear last night's events.
"Do you want a drink? I'm making hot chocolates"
"Yeah I'll have one" Dan replied smiling.
"No thank you" You replied.
Phil nodded and walked out; you heard the kettle start to boil. You and Dan decided to get dressed; you put on a baggy jumper and short shorts. Dan was wearing a 'Danisnotonfire' T-shirt with his grey joggers and bright green socks. You smiled at his choice of clothing. You tied your hair into a bun and wiped off last night's makeup that got smudged after some serious love making.
You followed Dan into the living room and you went and sat on the sofa, you overheard Dan and Phil talking about last night's events.
"Um, so, I heard you and her last night" Phil whispered.
"Heard us doing what?" Dan replied as he slyly tried to sound confused as to what went on.
You put your hand over your mouth like a little child to stop you from sniggering.
"You know.. Having sex" The sound of Phil's voice lowered into a smaller whisper.
Dan looked at Phil and tried not to laugh.
"Have you been listening to the neighbours again Phil?"
"Dan, c'mon, the neighbours are 80, I'm sure they don't even have a sex life anymore" Phil joked.
"You never know, she could have been riding him like Sea Biscuit last night!!" Dan laughed.
He came and sat next to you and you both laughed together.
"I know it was you two, because Jess shouted out your name numerous times! So don't go lying to me" Phil laughed.
You could feel your cheeks heating up as your cheeks were getting redder and redder. Phil started to mimic you "Ooooh Dan, mmmmm Dan!" You felt so embarrassed. Dan didn't look too impressed either. He tightened his arm around your waist to try and settle you. You got up and went into the bathroom. Phil was totally oblivious to the event's that had just occurred.
"What's wrong with her?" You heard Phil say in a stuck up manor.
"You, you fucking twat. I was her first. It was special and we enjoyed it. She doesn't need people like you taking the piss out of her!" Dan stormed out and knocked on the bathroom door. You didn't answer. Dan knew you had depression and the slightest thing would upset you. You found one of Phil's razor blades, you decided to throw it across the bathroom so it broke and you could pick up the blades. Dan knew exactly what you were about to do. You gazed at the shiny silver blade for a few seconds before slicing it across your wrists, making 6 slits. Blood was dripping down your arm, Dan heard your whimpers. You felt a bit silly but you knew for a fact that you were depressed again.
Dan shouted at Phil.
"She's done something stupid, I know she has"
Phil didn't believe him. Dan kicked the door a few times. You knew he was trying to knock it down, you felt light headed from the blood you'd lost and the sight of it all over the sink, toilet and bathroom floor didn't make you feel any better either. You passed out and hit your head on the side of the bath. Dan slammed the door open, looked at you in horror and saw all the blood, tears started to roll down his cheeks.
"RING AN AMBULANCE PHIL!!"
A few minutes later, an ambulance had arrived. Dan was a state, he was shaking and crying, Phil looked terrified and even paler than usual. You was laying on the floor unconscious, completely oblivious to the situation. The medical team put you on a stretcher trolly and wheeled you out to the ambulance as fast as they could. Dan came with you in the ambulance; Phil had to make his own way there.
You were completely passed out but for some reason, you could hear Dan speaking to you.
"C'mon Jess, you're going to be alright. I promise. Phil didn't mean anything. I've realized you've not been very happy, I have, honest. I love you, please be okay. I'm always with you. Please"
You could hear the heart break in his voice but you couldn't bring yourself to open your eyes or speak, as much as you wanted too, you just couldn't.
You were in hospital.
You opened your eyes and the first thing your eyes laid on was the sight of Dan holding your hand. His eyes were red and swollen from all the crying he's been doing. Your left wrist was wrapped in 3 bandages. "Shit, I must of cut really deep" Dan's eyes widened as he saw you'd woken up. Tears rolled down his cheeks again, which made your heart break. A lump grew in your throat and you just couldn't hold the tears back, you broke down crying. You couldn't bare Dan seeing you like this. He cried just as much as you did.
"Dan, stop crying you idiot" You said.
"I can't help it; you gave me such a fright. Jess, I love you okay? I don't know what I'd do without you"
You sobbed into your hand as you tried to cover your face
"I know Phil can be an idiot, but he didn't mean it"
"It's not even about Phil, well some of it is, but it wasn't a large amount. I've just felt so shit. Nobody has realized. I've felt so alone. I don't know how or why because I've always got you" You replied, trying not to cry.
Dan looks at you, his eyes are full of tears, and he definitely understands your pain. His eyes give you a glare that makes you understand that he's clearly felt the same. You start to look at the glass window in front of you, but out of the corner of your eye, you see Dan roll his sleeves up. You look at him puzzled.
"Look" As he pointed to both of his wrists.
How did I not notice this? His scars? They're so noticeable? You run your fingertips down his wrists, tracing the scarred blade marks. You can feel the lump in your throat start to get bigger. You can't cope with all this.
A few days later, you got to go home with Dan, but all you could think about was his scars, and he knew that's all you could think about.
When you got inside your apartment you went into the bathroom and took a shower. When you came out, Dan was sat on the sofa just gazing into the blank TV. You could see he was upset but you couldn't work out why. You ignored him whilst you got dried and put your pyjamas on, then you came out and sat next to him. He didn't put his arm around you like usual, now you know something is wrong.
"Dan? What's wrong?" You questioned.
"Jess, I've never, ever shown anyone my scars before. They we're my private thing. I needed to show you that you aren't alone. I self-harmed because I was doing so many YouTube videos and just being isolated from the outside world. I did it to make people happy. I put people before me when I should of really put myself first"
You felt the pain in his voice; you took his long arm and wrapped it round you. He tightened his grip around you.
"You've always got me. Think of yourself for once. You are your main priority. I love you" You reassured him.
"I love you, Jess"
You both smiled at each other and you snuggled for a while.
A few minutes later, Dan started nuzzling your ear like a cat.
"What are you doing?" You asked.
He gave you a sexy wink and his qwerky lip bite. You raised your eyebrow. You knew where this was going to lead. He looked so dominant and so sexy, you couldn't resist but to kiss his lips. The pressure from both of your lips was amazing. So passionate and so perfect.
Dan pulled you closer; he was kind of turning you on a little. You started to bite your own lip.
"I'm going to go for a shower" He winked.
You bit your lip at him. He knew exactly what was going to happen when he got out of the shower.
20 minutes later, he got out of the shower. You were in the bedroom tidying up. Dan comes up behind you and wraps his arms around you, gently kissing your neck. You could feel his manhood firmly pressing into your back, all he's wearing is a towel. You turned round and he passionately kisses you. "Dan's very dominant tonight"
He starts to bite your lip, your neck and your shoulder. He takes off your top and gently massages your breasts with his warm hands. He kisses down your stomach and takes off your trousers and your underwear. He kisses to the tops of your thighs, he hovers over you, and you cheekily pull his towel off, revealing his manhood. You wink at him and he winks back. You feel him push into you, thrusting slowly and gently getting quicker and harder. Your nails are digging into his shoulders and you're moaning. Dan's whispering things in your ear, and making you want more.
The bedroom door swings open.
Dan's mother is standing in the doorway, if her mouth had opened any wider, no doubt her jaw would have touched the floor.
"Mum! Get out!"
The bedroom door slams shut. You're bright red with embarrassment. Dan's staring at you, still inside you. Looking you deep in the eyes and then he starts laughing.
"Never mind, just stay quiet for a little bit okay?"
Better not ask questions right now.
He picks up the pace; you're trying to stay quiet. Dan notices your face; he finds it hilarious; so he gets faster. You have to bite the duvet because it's so intense. You both finish up and get dressed, and you do the walk of shame into the living room to greet Dan's mother for the first time!
"Hello Daniel" His mother says in a disappointed kind of way.
Dan's still trying to catch his breath. You're stood there like a spare part.
"Hi mum. This is Jess; she's my girlfriend, as you've probably already guessed
"Ah yes. Hello Jess, I'm Daniel's mum. How old are you then?"
His mum came across a bit stuck up, but you didn't mind.
"Hello Mrs. Howell. I'm 17" You smiled politely.
Her jaw nearly dropped to the floor again.
"You're 17? Daniel? You're 21 and she's 17?"
"What about it? It's hardly illegal? She's over the age of 16? We love each other so age doesn't really matter in this situation" Dan rudely said. You'd never speak to my mother like that.
His mother just looked at her son, amazed at what he just said.
"I have to go" She stated.
She left. She seemed a bit rude but Dan wasn't really bothered.
He comes up to you and hugs you.
"Dan? You smell like sex"
"I wonder why" He laughed.
You kiss his chest because that's all you could reach. Little miss 5ft 3.
You both go back in the bedroom and finish where you left off. The next thing you know, Phil walks in.
"Hey Dan, have you got-"
"GET OUT. GET OUT. GET OUT" Dan shouted.
He threw a pillow at Phil and the door slammed shut.
"Fuck sake, we can't have any alone time round here" Dan added.
You just smile.